The Blessedness of Self-forgetfulness

I have recently entered the world of baby sitting. Props to all you parents, this stuff is work! Well I am watching an 11 yr old girl and a 7 yr old boy. Really we do have some fun. Their old enough to take care of themselves for the most part so I end up mainly being a watchful eye and a referee. The 11 yr old is already at the phase of "i know everything and I am in charge." Did we all really believe that at one time? My mom confirms that yes indeed we did:) As I have been watching them I am struck so much by their sin. As kids they don't hold back in letting you know that they don't want to play if not by their rules and if they feel frustrated or hurt again, no restraint. Their is such a push to win at everything, and when winning life is grand- but as soon as the tables turn you hear the "i don't want to play anymore." For me, coming from not a whole lot of time with children all of these apparent "sins" rooted in pride and selfishness have been somewhat shocking but thankfully Jesus is opening my eyes to my own sin in each and every one of these areas. The only difference between the kids and I is that I have learned to communicate more effectively. I still want to find my worth and identity in being "good" or winning at something. We all do. Now it just looks different. Instead of being measured in terms of hide and go seek or Animalopoly we seek this worth in success or beauty or material possessions. We when don't like the rules or don't want to play we simply decline graciously and have the option to do something else because of our much appreciated independence but the root of the temper tantrum is still there. I want what I want, and I really don't like to share. This pride that I see in the kids as they fight and argue and pitch fits exists also in me. Tim Keller describes pride in two forms: pride in the form of self-consciousness (the inferiority complex) or in the form of self-confidence (the superiority complex). The pendulum swings continually. Some days we may have a bit of a chip on our shoulder where we feel particularly good looking or successful and what may seem to be high self-esteem is really just a peak in our own self-confidence (again, in God's economy- still pride). On other days we try and try and just can't quite seem to measure up to whatever standard we are looking to. We compare ourselves incessantly to others and think if only I had this or could do this.. then I would be____. According to the word of God we can and should find our worth and identity solely based off of the love that God has for us. Something is worth how much someone will pay for it. Well God paid the fullest amount.. the life and death of his only son so that He could purchase me and you. Really? God wants me? What a scandal. God wanted me so much so he made a way to bring me back into sweet intimacy with him. He has adopted me as His daughter. Wow. If only my worth and identity could rest in that truth. I would no longer have to look to the world (success, beauty, possessions etc) to fulfill this longing. It is only when we are resting in the truths of the gospel that we can be free from ourselves. Keller says that humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less. This self-forgetfulness is only found by abiding in Christ and it is a constant battle.

Long Time No Talk

This evening I find myself craving the gospel. I am craving sweet time at my saviors feet. How great is it that the holies of holies is open to us because of the atoning work of Jesus. We can come in whatever condition our soul may be in and we can know, with perfect assurance, that our Abba accepts us and loves us fully and perfectly. We have not to look for our own righteousness but only to believe in Jesus; to believe that we are covered by his blood; we have been given his perfect righteousness. What a blessing. I long to find myself moment by moment at the feet of my Jesus. I'll leave you with a wonderful quote from the week:

"Every plant must have both soil and root. Without both of these there can be no life, no growth, no fruit. The root is "peace with God"; the soil in which that root strikes itself, and out of which it draws the vital sap, is the free love of God in Christ. "Rooted in love" is the apostle's description of a holy man. The secret of a believer's holy walk is his continual recurrence to the blood of the Surety, and his daily intercourse with a crucified and risen Lord. All divine life, and all the precious fruits of it, pardon, peace, and holiness, spring from the cross. All fancied sanctification which does not arise wholly from the blood of the cross is nothing better than Pharisaism. If we would be holy, we must get to the cross, and dwell there; else, notwithstanding all our labor, diligence, fasting, praying and good works, we shall be yet void of real sanctification, destitute of those humble, gracious tempers which accompany a clear view of the cross."

- Horatius Bonar

Broken

Can what is totaled be rebuilt?

Can what is shattered ever be truly put back together?

Can what once played a beautiful sound once again play a melody?

Can what is broken ever be put back together?

Isn't this a question that, if we're honest with ourselves, we crave to know the answer to? Not one of us have endured this life without experiencing the pain, hardships, and curveballs that life has thrown at us. We are all sinners living in a broken, messed up, sin filled world. As good as we try to be at dodging these things there is a commonality amongst us all; we are broken. We are far from home. The longing within all of us, no matter how quite it is, exist for one reason. There is more. My soul cries out for that which I crave- to be a home with my Jesus. Oh how I long for heaven where there will be no more death, nor morning nor crying nor pain anymore. A heaven where my Jesus sits enthroned on high, a mighty King. A heaven where I can enjoy endless intimacy with the Creator of this universe; my Abba. A heaven where we will not hurt each other anymore. A heaven where all things are made new. A heaven where what was once shattered, beaten, broken, worn down beyond repair will indeed be fully repaired. We will be free. What a glorious place this will be!

In the meantime, let us cling to the truth that God is indeed for us. He will never leave us nor forsake us. He will finish the work that He has begun in each of us. He will orchestrate the tapestry of our lives in such a way as to bring Him the upmost Glory will working all of these things for our good.

Jesus is my King, my Lord, my friend, my savior, my husband, my provider, my protector, my Father; He is the keeper of my soul- this is my Jesus.

Deep Clean

An update: after scrapping and wire brushing the frame we took her outside for her first bath! This happened about a week ago and just in the past couple of days we have taken the engine and transmission out and have them both apart. Engine is in good shape. We'll need new intake valves, pistons, seals, a flywheel teeth ring, and a few other odds and ends to get the motor ready to go. The transmission, clutch, and transfer case are next to be evaluated and we'll go from there! The chassis will be ready to be painted after we get a new rear bumper and sandblast it down good. Great progress!

The Passion of Your Heart

Oh the passion of your heart,

Your abandoned pursuit of me.

Oh the risk that you took to love someone like me;

That risk has set my soul free.

Your desire for me is overwhelming,

It consumes your every thought.

Oh the joy you feel when our hearts touch,

The joy of when we touch.

You desire to draw me so close to you,

You desire to have me all to yourself.

You tenderly call out my name beckoning me to come nearer.

You romance me with purity and sweet wine poured into a cup of communion.

We dance and spin all around the universe.

Your rage is aroused at my enemies,

You defend me with arms full of strength.

Your gentleness towards me is ever present,

Your care for me ever living.

You're so eager to disclose all the secrets of your heart,

to show yourself unrestrained, fully given to me.

Your goodness is a placid stream,

a blanket wrapped around me.

Your faithfulness is the sure song of sunrise;

Your promises are structures already formed.

Ever deepening is the vastness of your great love;

you allure me with soft array.

Ever present is the pulse of your affections.

Your smile is gleaming with excitement,

to show me even more.

-The Passion of Your Heart: a song written by "Enter the Worship Circle"

The Jeep Project

A couple pictures from before we got started, and a couple more recent of where we are now. So much to be done! More detailed pictures can be found on my Facebook page:) The story of redemption.

Last week, though not shown here, we spent some time scrapping rust, dirt, and oil buildup off of the chassis and drive train (bottom picture). Today I plan on fishing that scrapping process along with some more intense sanding of the frame using a steel brush. We may even be able to take it outside (in this beautiful weather!) and pressure wash it. Can't wait!

Job Hunting..

I've spent several hours over the past few days looking for jobs on the internet. It turns out all that I am doing is figuring out what I wouldn't enjoy doing! Which I guess is good.. just exhausting. I'm so over it.