The Blessedness of Self-forgetfulness

I have recently entered the world of baby sitting. Props to all you parents, this stuff is work! Well I am watching an 11 yr old girl and a 7 yr old boy. Really we do have some fun. Their old enough to take care of themselves for the most part so I end up mainly being a watchful eye and a referee. The 11 yr old is already at the phase of "i know everything and I am in charge." Did we all really believe that at one time? My mom confirms that yes indeed we did:) As I have been watching them I am struck so much by their sin. As kids they don't hold back in letting you know that they don't want to play if not by their rules and if they feel frustrated or hurt again, no restraint. Their is such a push to win at everything, and when winning life is grand- but as soon as the tables turn you hear the "i don't want to play anymore." For me, coming from not a whole lot of time with children all of these apparent "sins" rooted in pride and selfishness have been somewhat shocking but thankfully Jesus is opening my eyes to my own sin in each and every one of these areas. The only difference between the kids and I is that I have learned to communicate more effectively. I still want to find my worth and identity in being "good" or winning at something. We all do. Now it just looks different. Instead of being measured in terms of hide and go seek or Animalopoly we seek this worth in success or beauty or material possessions. We when don't like the rules or don't want to play we simply decline graciously and have the option to do something else because of our much appreciated independence but the root of the temper tantrum is still there. I want what I want, and I really don't like to share. This pride that I see in the kids as they fight and argue and pitch fits exists also in me. Tim Keller describes pride in two forms: pride in the form of self-consciousness (the inferiority complex) or in the form of self-confidence (the superiority complex). The pendulum swings continually. Some days we may have a bit of a chip on our shoulder where we feel particularly good looking or successful and what may seem to be high self-esteem is really just a peak in our own self-confidence (again, in God's economy- still pride). On other days we try and try and just can't quite seem to measure up to whatever standard we are looking to. We compare ourselves incessantly to others and think if only I had this or could do this.. then I would be____. According to the word of God we can and should find our worth and identity solely based off of the love that God has for us. Something is worth how much someone will pay for it. Well God paid the fullest amount.. the life and death of his only son so that He could purchase me and you. Really? God wants me? What a scandal. God wanted me so much so he made a way to bring me back into sweet intimacy with him. He has adopted me as His daughter. Wow. If only my worth and identity could rest in that truth. I would no longer have to look to the world (success, beauty, possessions etc) to fulfill this longing. It is only when we are resting in the truths of the gospel that we can be free from ourselves. Keller says that humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less. This self-forgetfulness is only found by abiding in Christ and it is a constant battle.